


The Weight of Words (And How to Let It Go)

by hollywoodproblems



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Meditation, Prompt Fic, spock uses google and its super effective, worry wort bones is the best bones dont @ me, you know who is a god send and also i love??? m'benga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-19 15:22:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14240190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollywoodproblems/pseuds/hollywoodproblems
Summary: Filling anon request for fluffy Spones: Bones has some choice words for the Vulcan after a particularly dangerous mission, but Spock understands what he's really saying. Now its time to let the good doctor know that he loves him, too.Orginal Prompt: For Spones. Person A is really upset because they lost their temper with person B, person A is so angry/upset with themselves that Person B has to convince them that they forgive them, person B eventually has to tickle A to make Person A forgive themselves and get over the whole ordeal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Unfortunately I got this prompt just before a family emergency involving my sister being hospitalized. But she is on the mend now, and things are slowly returning to normal! I don't usually post unfinished prompt fills, but I just wanted anon to know that I AM working on this; part 2 to come shortly. 
> 
> Still accepting prompts at my tumblr, hollywoodproblems. Cheers!

He opened his eyes as if something had woken him, but the room remained silent, still glowing dimly from the salt lamp he’d left lit on the shelf in the corner of his quarters.

 

The vulcan reached out, letting long, slender fingers stretch on and on and on across the bed until they reached the wall it was tucked against. 

 

He was alone. He hadn’t needed to check. Leonard was not here. 

 

Spock let his eyes slip closed again. He relaxed his muscles one by one. He steadied his breathing, one two three in, hold, one two three out. He counted to twenty.

 

He sat up. 

 

The emptiness of the space beside him had been loud enough to wake him, and it wasn’t going to let up any time soon. He pulled away the blankets and stood, padding over to his meditation mat and kneeling down. Clearly he was not finished with the task yet if his thoughts were preventing him from sleeping.

 

_ Were you out of your vulcan mind?!  _

 

_ You’re the most selfish person in the universe, you know that?  _

 

_ Well I’m sick of it and I won’t do it anymore. Doctor M’benga, please attend to the Commander, ‘cause he’s no patient of mine and I’m not layin’ a finger on him.  _

 

_ If you’re so eager to run off on a suicide mission every time it fancies you then why don’t you save us all a little trouble next time Spock and don’t come back! _

 

He let each insult play like a movie in his head, noting the rosy pink hue of Doctor McCoy’s cheeks as he laid into him, yelling at the Vulcan until he was red in the face before storming into his office and slamming the door behind him. 

 

Spock had stared at the back of that door as Doctor M’benga stitched him back together, wanting so badly to go and open it but knowing he likely couldn’t walk that far right now even if he tried. He sensed tears on the other side of that door, and trembling hands. Then M’benga instructed him to lay back and he was forced to rip his eyes away from that door, and his mind from the body on the other side of it.

 

It would be several hours before Doctor M’benga finally cleared him to return to his quarters, McCoy still nowhere in sight as the vulcan complied, gingerly making his way back to room and straight to his meditation mat. He had replayed the scene in his mind over and over again, letting his partner’s words wash over him, letting them sting. The emotions the words held piled up on his chest, making it hard to breath - making his fingers tremble as another pair had, behind a locked door. He lifted each feeling like a stone off his chest, testing the weight of it, examining every inch of it, until it got lighter and lighter, and eventually floated away. It had taken what felt like hours of focused meditation, after which he had crawled straight into bed, exhausted. 

 

But by the end of it, he had forgiven Leonard.

 

Reviewing his partners words again now, hours later, he felt as passive as if he was watching a movie. They didn’t sting anymore. Spock understood now the real things the doctor had been trying to say.

 

_ You upset me when you put yourself in danger. _

 

_ It made me feel abandoned, hurt, and unloved. _

 

_ I was really scared for your well being, because I love you.  _

 

Spock opened his eyes, drawing himself out of his meditative state and back into his dim quarters. He sighed. No, there wasn’t anything more to process on the matter- at least not on his own. But still, Leonard had yet to return to their room. The vulcan knew that with humans, and especially the hot headed doctor, allowing time to process alone was usually the best course of action. Even so, he had the urge to do more. 

 

The Vulcan stood, crossing over to settle back on his bed, grabbing his PADD as he went. He wouldn’t be getting any more rest until Leonard returned; he might as well make the most of the time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some formatting issues, please excuse if there is some wonky spacing. This is part two of two, enjoy! And feel free to send prompts to my tumblr at hollywoodproblems. I hope anon especially enjoys this one!

Bones huffed as he caught himself yawning for the upteenth time, thinking it was no wonder nurse Chapel had finally insisted he head to bed. He had never been a very good liar, and an even less capable actor. 

The doctor rubbed at his eyes as he made his way blearily through the halls, trying to distract himself by cursing the bright starship lights everywhere rather than dwell on where he was heading. Or, more accurately, to whom. 

In the relative safety of his own thoughts- for the moment, anyway- he was willing to admit that he had worked a double specifically so he wouldn’t have to go return to his quarters and face the Vulcan undoubtedly lying in wake. He groaned at the mental image, then shook his head. Well, no point in dragging it out any longer. He just had to be a man and own up to what he had said.

 

_ If you’re so eager to run off on a suicide mission every time it fancies you then why don’t you save us all a little trouble next time Spock and don’t come back! _

 

He groaned again. There wasn’t exactly an easy way to say ‘Hey there buddy, I’m sorry I said it’d be better if you were dead.’

 

His stomach flopped uncomfortably at the thought, and he slowed his pace as he drew closer to the inevitable. 

 

How could he have said such a thing! He was disgusted with himself. Sure he got heated sometimes, but… some things were better left unsaid. 

 

Spock not returning from one of his crazy missions wasn’t something Bones ever wanted. It was his worst nightmare. It was literally a nightmare he had, all the damn time. 

 

The doctor sighed. He supposed that was exactly why he had said what he said. Spock had the luxury of no nightmares. No worries. No summersaults of the stomach. No lumps in the throat. Maybe he just wanted his partner to sting, for just a minute. Understand what it felt like to experience heartache. 

 

In the end, though, it wasn’t worth it. 

 

He’d seen that twinge in the depths of Spock’s eyes and wished he could have gone his whole life without ever witnessing such an expression on the Vulcan. 

 

Bones came to a stop outside his quarters and wrung his hands together, frowning. He’d thought this walk would grant him some clarity, but his thoughts were as just a tangled mess as they had been all evening. He took in an even breath and released it slowly. He would just have to face Spock and tell him he’s sorry. Maybe it would take time to fix this… but he was worth every moment. This relationship was worth the effort.

He steeled himself, keyed in the code for the door, and stepped in. 

Spock was sitting on the edge of bed, one leg tucked under himself as he perused the PADD he was holding. The room was dim, and warm. Incense was lit. A part of the doctor was instantly relieved to be  _ home _ ,  _ with Spock _ , in the comfort of their room. He wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed together, suddenly feeling as if he hadn’t slept in days. But it couldn’t be that simple. 

“Hello, Leonard.”

The doctor gulped. 

“Hey, Spock.”

The vulcan finished whatever he was reading and set it aside, hands folding together as he peered up at his partner.

“You worked late. You must be tired.”

Bones was caught off guard by the statement.

“I- yeah, well… Listen, Spock…”

He hesitantly took a few steps forward, perching on the edge of the bed beside Spock, staring down at his hands then lifting his gaze to meet dark eyes.

“I really gotta apologize for what I said before…”

“I understand.”

“No  _ really _ Spock, I was so out of line, and the things I said- they were  _ despicable _ , for one, and completely  _ untrue-” _

He shook his head, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes.

“I don’t know what came over me, I mean I know I can get hot headed, and you’re always such a darlin’ about it, but this was  _ too much _ \- I was  _ just so _ \- I just  _ wanted _ -!”

“I understand, Leonard. You were upset I put my life in danger and afraid I would get hurt. I apologize for putting you in such a position. In the future, I cannot guarantee I will not act accordingly in a similar situation; however I will consider your feelings more thoroughly.”

Leonard dropped his hands to peer incredulously at his partner, almost as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Run that by me again…?”

Spock’s face was impassive, but he was soaking in this new expression on his partner’s face, dark eyes twinkling if you knew where to look.

“I apologize, and I have already forgiven you for what was said. You need not apologize.”

“Well of  _ course _ I need to apologize, Spock, now you’re  _ really _ out of your-”

He stopped himself and laced his eyebrows together, completely befuddled. He had come in here expecting to throw himself at the Vulcan’s feet but here he was, suddenly with the emotional capacity of a ship’s counselor and apparently already forgiving one of the worst things the doctor had ever said. 

Spock really did smile now, at the corners of his mouth.

“I had anticipated this response. Humans can be stubborn, even in situations that are advantageous to themselves. However I have conducted some research that may be of some assistance.”

Leonard was turning various shades of pink, red, and nearly purple, huffing and rolling his eyes.

“Oh you  _ have _ , have you?!”

Spock gestured to his PADD on the nightstand, referencing the articles he had just been reading though the screen was now dark. 

“A partnership that has undergone a serious release of negative emotions can sometimes struggle to bridge the connection forged out of a hesitance to ‘return to once was’. This can be remedied by simply ‘taking a plunge’ into a more positive atmosphere, so to speak.”

He turned on the doctor, expression as serious as if he were conducting a true science experiment.

“Leonard, for the sake of our relationship, I shall now conduct proven extreme positive response stimuli for humans. I can guide you through the Vulcan stimuli once the first part of the process is complete.”

Spock paused, then leaned in and pecked a sweet kiss onto his partner’s cheek, quick as though he was a shy crush at a school dance (an experience that was, of course, completely foreign to him, but research concluded that alluding to shyer, sweeter times was proven quite charming to humans). 

Leonard’s entire face was a steady shade of red now and his eyes were wide as he regarded the vulcan in front of him, sputtering,

“Spock you have finally truly lost your mind!”

Spock saw the corners of Leonard’s mouth ticking upward though and it was enough to propel him forward, specifically his fingers as he descended on his partner, tickling his sides. The doctor yelped then burst out laughing, wiggling desperately away from the vulcan’s fingers.

“What- do- you- think- you’re- DOING!”

“Tickling is the most extreme positive stimuli for humans.”

Spock simply replied matter-of-factly as he continued tickling the doctor, taking mental snapshots of the rare dimples revealing themselves in the depths of Leonard’s cheeks as he laughed. Bones threw himself back on the bed but there was no escape, Spock crawling on top of him, finding it to be an even better vantage point for tickling up and down the doctor’s sides. He couldn’t help but smile either, almost feeling the urge to laugh too. It was an interesting phenomenon, and not unpleasant. He decided this would not be the last time he tickled Leonard. 

Finally Bones was able to bat the vulcan’s hands away enough to catch his breath, stray giggles still leaking out between pants for air.

“Okay- okay- have  _ mercy _ , Spock! We’re fine.”

He flopped an exhausted arm over his eyes and laughed again, smiling to himself.

“We’re fine.”

He had never seen it ending this way in a million years- but Spock had always been full of surprises.

When Leonard lifted his arm away from his eyes again Spock’s face was there and he kissed him, more enthusiastically than the first but no less sweet.

“Do I owe you ‘Vulcan stimuli’ now?”

Leonard asked when he pulled away, lifting an eyebrow. 

“Indeed.”

Spock responded, eyes still twinkling.

“They are probably not what you would expect.”

The doctor batted at his partner’s chest.

“You’re an absolute  _ cad _ Mister Spock.”

The vulcan resisted smiling at that but only barely, feeling lighter now than he had even after meditating. 

_ We’re fine. _

He had new words to play, now. Ones he wouldn’t mind sleeping to.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to send love via kudos & comments, and check out my other ST stories!


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